Like Water Running Uphill

I wanted solitude
a hike
but the memories
rise like dust
from the trail

Trailing me
a red balloon
one hand leading
the other clutching
my broken perfections
my shames
on paper ribbons
written in tear smears

Came to let go
going ahead in
Arizona’s summer
forgot water and food
it’ll be fine

Tongue stuck
to the sole of my mouth
like sand to skin
feet throbbing in sneakers
dusty like a rabbit

Far enough along
the trail at a clearing
and summit
I stop under
the sweat of my brow
and sway
this has to be it

The balloon
rises in the perfect
sky
and it bounds
on the wind
like a dream
too good to be
trailing my shames

Higher and farther
my red balloon
sways and flies
a traveler above
all the damage below

Haven’t seen anyone
for two gone hours
and four dry miles
up down up and
turning homeward
the stones in the trail
pop from their places
and my feet
slip and stagger
while the sun
bursts from every point
on my path

Dust chokes me
been this way before
he choked me
held me down
punched me
dug fingers in my cheeks
to say I was his
between abuser and abused
trail bruises and curses
to forgive is never forgotten
my therapist says

Beneath a tree
I sag on parched roots
my snapped twig soul
can’t go on
tired and dried
lips cracked
in salt
I’ll stay here to await
some ending

They appear from haze
forming from waves
to be solid
two women
chatting and laughing
like water flowing uphill
to wash up at her feet
asking
sweetie
do you need help

I scream help
by nodding
and their water passes my lips
my withered tongue
they lift me
lead me downhill
as I stumble in their wake
I say thank you
for they cared more
for me than I did
when will I care
for me

An army brat, Shay Wills graduated from the University of Arizona with a BA in English and Creative Writing. He, with his spouse and son, live in Tucson, Arizona, near his two older children. He earned his MS from Grand Canyon University, and now works as a mental health counselor. His poetry appears in Cool Beans Lit, Hive Journal, As You Were, and Bookends Review among others.