20 Minutes or Less—Jesse conducting a bubble symphony in a garden.
(Photo by Anna Rathkopf, July 3, 2017)

In every relationship, we experience moments of harmony and discord. Families–much like every song and piece of music–navigate crescendos, decrescendos, unexpected turns, rhythms, breaks, bridges, silences, beats, celebrations, fortes, revelations, healing, sorrow, forgiveness, and those delightful, inexplicable flows. Just as timing is crucial in music, it’s equally vital in life.

When facing illness, those feelings become amplified.

Today, under the guise of “efficiencies,” “value-based care,” and “productivity,” patients in the United States spend an average of just 20 minutes with their doctors. This brief period that almost all patients and caregivers experience is formally recognized across the healthcare system as the “average consultation time” in Primary Care.

In that short window, patients and caregivers are expected to convey all their medical and emotional concerns, ask pressing medical questions, and absorb medical advice–all at once. Conversations between patients, caregivers and their medical professionals frequently feel rushed, posing serious challenges to both heart and mind, especially when managing complex medical conditions.

Patients often feel pressured to receive information, process it, and respond in a very compressed timeframe. Neuroscience tells us that when we’re shocked by unexpected or confusing information, our ability to process additional input shuts down as we grapple with alarming news related to our health.

Even when fortunate enough to have a caregiver or advocate for intellectual, physical, financial, and emotional support, compassion from medical professionals is often lacking. In-depth discussions aren’t just missed–they’re discouraged. The sheer volume of patients can overwhelm medical professionals, making this hurried approach a mechanism to avoid emotional responses.

Patients and caregivers need more than 20 minutes to fully share their stories and experiences without feeling jarred or jolted during some of the most vulnerable times in their lives.

When my wife, Anna, was 37, less than 20 minutes irreversibly altered the rhythm of our lives. On an ordinary weekday, she answered a call from an unfamiliar voice–but from a number she recognized. “Do you have five minutes?” the stranger asked. In those brief moments, Anna received devastating news: she had cancer. Our world came crashing down–a cacophony of sobs, dial tones, and the racing beats of our hearts suddenly out of sync.

Over the past seven years since that diagnosis, Anna, our son, and I have waited through countless 20-minute intervals. We’ve spent hours, days, weeks, and years waiting for those fleeting moments.

What we did in the time between is captured in our book, HER2: The Diagnosed, The Caregiver and Their Son. The waiting frayed and fatigued us, but the moments in between held us together as a family. Whether it was sharing an ice cream cone, snapping a photograph, telling a joke, taking a walk, going for a swim, sharing a kiss, or blowing bubbles–we’ve never cherished minutes more than we do now.

20 Minutes or Less—80 minutes waiting for the 20 minute-long consult with a physician.
(Photos by Anna and Jordan Rathkopf, 2017, New York City at the hospital Anna was treated.)

20 Minutes or Less—Frayed and fatigued: Noticing transformation during brief walks outside while recovering from chemotherapy and coming to terms with “survivorship”.
(Photos by Anna Rathkopf, 2016-2022.)

20 Minutes or Less—Hair is a living, breathing melody of our being. Yet in less than 20 minutes, it can be cut and shaved, silencing its song.
(Photo by Jordan Rathkopf, February 20, 2017.)

20 Minutes or Less—Reframing our fears through journaling and bibliotherapy.
(Photo by Jordan Rathkopf, December 25, 2016 and May 8, 2023.)

20 Minutes or Less—Our son Jesse savoring his ice cream cone before it melts.
(Photo by Anna Rathkopf, July 1, 2017. )

20 Minutes or Less—Going for a walk with our dog in between appointments, treatments and family schedules.
(Photo by Anna Rathkopf, August 28, 2020.)

20 Minutes or Less—Tidying up our son’s toys in the living room.
(Photo by Anna Rathkopf, November 8, 2017.)

20 Minutes or Less—Singing “Happy Birthday” and blowing out the candles.
(Photo by Anna Rathkopf, 2017 – 2022.)

20 Minutes or Less—Skipping rocks on the lake.
(Photo by Jordan Rathkopf, May 14, 2022.)

20 Minutes or Less—Family game time with our son.
(Photo by Jordan Rathkopf, July 2, 2022.)

20 Minutes or Less—Teaching Jesse photography. When asked what he wanted to capture, he chose a kiss between his parents.
(Photo by Jesse Rathkopf, January 20, 2020.)

Anna and Jordan Rathkopf are the co-authors of HER2: The Diagnosed, The Caregiver, and Their Son which will be published October 1, 2024. Anna and Jordan Rathkopf were honored with the 2024 Photographic Achievement in Visual Storytelling and Social Impact Award from the International Photographic Council at the United Nations. This recognition recognized their ongoing advocacy for patients and caregivers through visual storytelling. They are the founders of the Patient Caregiver Artist Coalition (PCAC.ngo) and reside in Brooklyn, New York. Their “The Burden of Concealment” exhibition is now touring internationally.  beginning in October 2024.