Dawn of Berkeley
7th Annual Mental Health Awareness Writing Contest Winner

 

McDonald’s is quiet as I drink my morning coffee.
A disheveled man sneaks in the back door
sobbing   I found her by the dumpster   help me 

 a lifeless racoon clutched to his blood-soaked chest.
He slides into a chair   the room is almost empty
my uniform and badge give me away   Dawn, BPD 

The man puts the bloody creature on the table
and wails   help me   somebody help!
He strokes the dead animal   cooing 

I approach the table slowly    hands extended   I’m Dawn
I’m so sorry? How can I help?  What do you need?
he looks up at me with cautious eyes     turns away

A food worker   nametag Finn on a red shirt   appears
beside me   a kind ally   he seems to know the fellow
Lonnie   are you okay?  let us help you  

Using a white towel Finn reaches for the bleeding animal
gently like a mother tending to an infant in distress
we’re here Lonnie    we got you

 Lonnie grabs the bloody bundle   cradles it in his arms
moans    no   she’s mine   leave us alone   she’s mine
she protects me   every night she watches over me  

 Finn moves away   I step in    take a breath
Let’s figure out together how to help your friend
Do you have a case manager I could call?

Lonnie pulls a card from his pocket   Grace   Berkeley Mental Health
I call the clinic   Grace drives up   she talks to Lonnie who tearfully
agrees to release his grip on the raccoon   he walks to her car

sits in the front seat   Lonnie stares as Dawn places the shrouded
creature into her trunk   scowls as he watches them drive away.
Will he continue alone the nightly foraging in the bin of leftovers?

In Defense of Care

She thought she would be a lawyer
when she grew up   would be
strong   would convince the judge
of the innocence of those accused.

Shifting careers of waitressing   any kind
of office work   answering phones   typing
eased into law offices   advanced to
feminist law offices   a title: legal worker.

Propelled her to grad school   counseling license
her own office   sofa   paintings   easy chair until
single motherhood launched her to in-patient care
promising a pension   health insurance   sick leave

a solitary office in a locked facility
representing hospitalized psych patients
in court   arguing why they aren’t ready to
leave to do damage to themselves   to others.

Proving they need more time to stabilize on meds
find housing   a case manager. Had she become
a lawyer? Was mental illness a crime of guilt
by psychosis or overwhelming despair?

Her task   to hold them in the care of trained
doctors   nurses   social workers   prove their
innocence of crimes they unwittingly committed.
Simply unable to care for themselves.  Victims of

horrific demons that drove them to live with
voices that accused   haunted   taunted them
with lies and threats and in turn forced vicious
self-defense out of terror so deep only God

could hear the inner workings of a mind
distorted by an ancient misunderstood illness.
Perhaps the compassion nurtured by these brave souls
carried her back to her dream of being a lawyer.

Pantoum for Downsizing the Heart                     

two beloved pianos   Baldwin and Yamaha
heart speaks through his fingers expressing his soul
Ludwig drum set   bands coalesce   union gigs for fifty years
moving to small condo   what goes   what stays?

heart speaks through his fingers expressing his soul
Ella    Coltrane   Count Basie   Monk
rambling house to small condo   something must go
jazz chords pour out in a daily embrace

Ella   Coltrane   Count Basie   Monk
downsizing unbearable   ripping his heart
jazz chords pour out in a daily embrace
no room for it all   to hold on to the past

downsizing unbearable   ripping his heart
haunted with memories and grief
no room for it all   to hold on to the past
Ludwig drums stay silent   pianos express

haunted with memories and grief
rage at the future he cannot control
Ludwig drums stay silent   pianos express
movement risky   beyond the known path

rage at the future he cannot control
storms churning and turning   a whirlwind unleashed
movement risky   beyond the known path
what’s left in the aftermath   cannot be restored

storms bluster   churn   toss all in their wake
what’s left in the aftermath   can it be restored?

Ellen Gerneaux Woods is a California poet, a former legal worker and county psychiatric social worker. After retirement she dedicated herself to writing two books, The Watchful Heart Recedes (Finishing Line Press, 2021) and Warriors in Transition:A Memoir (Word Project Press 2014) as well as poetry and prose which appear in numerous print journals and anthologies. She is on the prose staff of The MacGuffin.