When You Are Diagnosed 

Hope 

Sometimes considered the little sister of Faith.  Related to Blind Faith and False Hope. A naive belief in a positive outcome. Nothing to do with Dickinson’s “thing with feathers”.

Faith

The big sister of Hope, Faith has unshakeable confidence in the future and the opportunities presented in adversity. Sometimes  known as Blind Faith.

False Hope

The silly half-wit brother of the family who persists in erroneous beliefs despite clear evidence to the contrary (see Statistics below). Conjoined twin of Blind Faith.

Statistics

The scientific evidence which presents the one objective truth. To be sprinkled liberally throughout any discussion, especially when encountering disagreement.

Denial

A refuge for the kin of Faith, Hope, Blind Faith and False Hope, characterized by the refusal to accept the obvious truth and wisdom of one’s betters.

Palliative Care

We thought you knew. Even at your age you should have figured it out, since we told you it was Stage IV. It’s not a bad thing. The research says it will make you feel better. And at least the cleaning staff told you about the transfer.

During Treatment…

Side Effects

The effects of treatment, not off to the side, and often not mentioned when one undertakes it. Similar to collateral damage.

Brain Fog

Something women (and occasionally men) seem to experience after treatment. Cured – or at least mitigated as suggested by our expert psychologists – by making lists and diary reminders.  Simplistic you say? A lot of people don’t know about this.

Next?

CRF – Cancer Related Fatigue

Being tired. Should get better, but maybe not.

Insomnia

Cured by sleeping pills. And anyway, aren’t you tired from the CRF? (Remember–  that is the Cancer Related Fatigue that we just told you about).

Social isolation

Get out more! Don’t be a stay-at-home grump! Who cares if you want to hide and feel that people want to avoid you because of their fear of the disease?

Anxiety

We have meds for that. Take them. Maybe try meditation or running. Oops the anxiety or fatigue or muscle atrophy might get in the way.

Oh well, go back to meds.

Psych-Social

The external fluff mentioned in our sophisticated scientific discussions of health and well-being.

Hierarchy

Who is up and who is down. See also Power. Don’t forget who is in charge here.

Living Scan to Scan

A lifetime based on waiting for others to tell you whether you can be happy or not. See also Anxiety and Remission.

Waiting

Get used to it. Appointment times are for you, not us—we will see you when it suits us. See also  Power, Hierarchy, Voice.

Voice

Forget it. We give information. You listen. If you want a voice, try a choir or singing in the shower.

And Afterwards…

Neuropathy

Deadening of the nerves in particular areas of the body. Can result in hearing loss for instance and a sense that one’s feet are wrapped in tissue paper. Too bad. Can’t be helped. Not sure whether we warned you. Probably didn’t.

Pneumonitis

A type of pneumonia caused by lung damage rather than an antigen. We don’t want to hear about it. Find it yourself on the internet when you notice shortness of breath.

Steroids

Miracle drugs, eliminate inflammation. They do have side effects though. See muscle atrophy above. Look it up on the internet if you find you have a problem with the effects.

Titrate

A way to gradually reduce medications like steroids so the body does not experience withdrawal with a flare of symptoms like fluid on the lungs. Sorry we goofed on that. Lucky you don’t need a respirator (even though it was close) and that you live near a hospital and can come and go and then stay for 10 days.

Gratitude

An awareness that it could be so much worse. A sense of appreciation for the care received and not being bankrupted financially to receive it. Something that drifts in and out, hovering.

Power (or Lack Of)

A concept never discussed but clearly present in every interaction. See also Hierarchy.

Shame 

A feeling of remorse for lack of sufficient gratitude. For complaining when others suffer more.

Also profound embarrassment and/or disgust with one’s physical form due to hair loss and moon-face from medication as well as ubiquitous garden-variety female body dysmorphia and misogyny. We like to remind you of your weight issues during treatment. Some question whether this is necessary but can’t be helped. See also Ideal Body Weight and Obesity.

Remission

Initially a cause for celebration, but don’t get too excited. It is only a pause. It can always come back.

Abdominal Aneurism

It’s not our fault that we told you there was no rush to look into this. After all, you were going to die anyway—so a ticking bomb in your gut really didn’t make ay difference. So what if we didn’t assess the size correctly? It is not our area. You should be grateful that all those scans we ordered picked this up. You are actually really lucky.

Non-Traditional Medicine 

Approaches to healing which do not fully embrace the traditional western medical model. These do not treat each body part separately and instead insist on the interconnection of body, mind and spirit, focussing  on wellness rather than prudently waiting until there is a problem and then [attempting to] repair it.

Unscientific. Questionable. Possibly-or even likely- to be quackery, peddling false hope (see above). You can’t be trusted to discern this for yourself—you need us to remind you of the foolishness of pursuing these.

Muscle Atrophy

A side effect of long-term steroid use, intensified when combined with use of statins, resulting in the inability to walk. Oops—forgot to tell you about that too. And so sorry, didn’t notice that the two drugs had been prescribed. After all,  there were different doctors from different specialities involved—how could they know?

Anyway, since you asked about what to do about not being able to walk,  maybe try eating meat.

Soft Tissue Damage

We don’t know anything about that. Problems with soft tissue don’t show up on our imaging equipment, so we ignore it. See also Muscle Atrophy above. Can be caused by drugs or surgical procedures that sever tissue where physiotherapy is not prescribed or offered to remediate this. We told you could just get up and walk around after your hip replacement. Just like we assumed in the past that there were no consequences to use of forceps during childbirth or to routine episiotomies. Not our field anyway.

Anti Depressants

You say your misery could be caused by being so sick for so long and being in such a depressing environment or possibly damage to the tissues in the brain from chemo. Hogwash! We don’t want to discuss it. You are just being negative and hysterical. These pills will perk you up.

Ideal Weight 

Numbers identified by a statistician at Metropolitan Life Insurance during World War II by studying men and women in their twenties. Numbers used to clobber people with blame. Great while you are shackled with other worries.

Obesity

Any weight that is above what you weighed in your twenties. Obviously, the patient is at fault. Why do you eat for comfort? It is not rational. Food can’t make you happy.

Still Small Voice 

A place inside that is wise and knowing. Hard to find. Try meditation, going into nature, trees, being near water.  Some people pray. Follow the breadcrumbs. Once you hear it, you’ll know you’ve found it. Provides solace amid the cacophony of treatment and recovery.

Lucky

Remember the odds. You are still here.

Freedom!

Initially trained as a social worker and therapist, April Boyington Wall moved into business consulting and teaching early in her career. She has written for academic and business publications as well as numerous in-house documents for organizations across Canada and the United States. She lives in Toronto, Canada with her husband Richard Weisman.