The Diabetes Chronicles

like an astronaut I blasted off,
cartwheeling from the earth

my constant motion the antidote to mom’s hot fudge
cooked on the stove top

cocoa caramelizing in bubbling butter
poured over soft mountains of ice cream

when I left childhood behind, candy still cried out to me
designed to snag children

sweets caught me at the checkout counter
little drops of pleasure coated in chocolate

battled in my blood
promising fuel but leaving me tired

in my middle years, I was grounded
pinned down by the heavy weight of stress

the nurse was gentle when she broke it to me
the number 500 was mentioned, my blurring vision explained

in twenty years of this illness I have had eleven doctors
a nomad class of people, they move just when you get to know them

some combined science with kindness
others tried to be the strict parent with warnings of doom

my sugars rise like the tide on a stormy ocean
I ride the waters of triggers and craving

believe in my immortality with each greedy bite
my dear friends, my sister, my daughters, my husband

they plea for me stay around, not go out early
and I do want more life, so I play the chemistry game with my body

inside a place I cannot see, I try to balance
struggle for a happy medium between the sweet and sour

to be more than just a diseased human
who asked for what she got

Laurie Billman, a Licensed Professional Counselor, has diverse roots in Colorado, Peru, and North Carolina. She has counseled on the Zuni, Ute, and Navajo Indian Reservations and traveled extensively from Alaska to Peru, Gallup to Kenya. Her poetry has been published in McGuffin, 13th Moon, Chest, Switchback, Forge, Street Lights, San Pedro River Review. She has works coming out in the following anthologies: Twenty Bellow’s Embers, Blood and Bourbon, A Drop in the Ocean, Poets Choice Blowing Hot and Cold During Courtship, Regrets, and Meat for Tea Leaves Issue.