………it’s a parasitic vine
seeded in the socket
climbing up    thready sinew
veining across the scapula
stitching   between ribs    and  vertebrae
choking the nerves sprouting there

………it’s an abusive lover
terrorizing  every  move
threatening  violence
insisting it’s all. my. fault.
for pulling on my jacket a certain way
for tying up my hair  without first
asking permission

………I mistrust the integrity of this
unstable body with her   herniating bulges
and hypermobile articulations
pinching           ripping
when a joint   slides   apart
I snap it back together

………it’s a shocking   misstep
on a staircase  sparking a queasy buzz in the belly radiating out   to the extremities
tingling hands  and  feet
tightness in the chest
panic   clutching my throat

………it’s as exhausting as   poverty
desperation mingling with
packed lunches and
homebrewed coffee
…….stealing  sleep
pressing against me on the train
.

………the combination of agony and relief
reminds me of signing my divorce papers
………it whispers hopeless persuasions:
this is life now, this is forever.
.
And, I—I believe it.

.

The PA writes “6.”