Files Pending

“In” and “Out” files crowd my desk,
my life, but the one marked “Pending”

with abandon grows tall, fat, deep;
my energy and worry expending

until the warning light abruptly flares
bright to halt the ongoing intending

of all my busy-ness with immediacy; I sit
outside a medical door pretending

a bravery that I lack,
a smile in need of mending;

old man’s problem, yes or no biopsy,
unguessed now how we will be spending

our partnered time, after forty-six
years where we foresaw no ending;

the chair is hard, the room cold,
my fingers worry beads bending

as I wait by myself and number
hope and love and grace in life pending

Victoria Crawford is a retired teacher and writer living in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Writing and reading and life in a Thai neighborhood of compassionate people are her interests as well as a husband of almost 50 years who helped survive a stroke a few years ago. Her poetry has been published in journal such as Cargo Literary, Poetry Pacific, Califragile, Braided Way, and Hawaii Pacific Review.